The story dictates that the elf's main priority around the family's household is to keep watch over the children's behavior during the day and return to the North Pole overnight to report their behavior to Santa Claus, detailing any acts of obedience or misdeeds performed by a child during that particular day, returning home by the following morning.
Well Good kids probably don't need much attention and Bad kids, well after a few trips up North the Elf probably gets a little tired of rating out the little bastards. So with a bunch of time on his hands what do you think Elf does?
Our crack investigative team kept an eye out on Elfie during some off peak hours and this is what they found
Sometimes he gets just a little bored and finds some decent activities...
But we found out that Elf has a little problem with Alcohol...A touch of Nog
Leads to a little bit of Wine..
And then He hits the hard liquor
If we were lucky we found that Elfie just got Sick
And passed out
But other nights he was a little more ambitious hit that brown dust...
and find some of those hooker Barbie dolls to satisfy his urges
"No Ladies this will not end up on the Net!"
Other times he would go off the reservation completely leaving treats for the following morning
"That is for saying 'Elf On the Shelf looks at me creepy' you little brats!"
Sometimes he gets sick of Ken's stupid no dick ass after Watching Too Much Dexter
Or he would just get suicidal
"Yep! (BURP) this is rock bottom people"
But in the end he always did his job, even when santa would put him in a time out or rehab facility.
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